Inspiration.

Posted on by
Reply

It’s Fargo Marathon weekend here. Tonight and tomorrow, thousands of runners will lace up their sneakers, hit play on their list of super sweet running jams and work to conquer their own mountain, from 3 miles to over 26 miles.

I love Fargo Marathon weekend. The streets fill with people, some who have never been to Fargo before and get to experience it for the first time. There are local bands, spectators on every possible corner and an electric like buzz of excitement fills the air.

Now don’t get me wrong … I’m not a runner. In fact, if you had to describe my running style, it would be this:
But that doesn’t stop me from enjoying the marathon. It’s inspiring. Everyone’s story is different. Some want to better themselves. Others are running to raise money for a beloved charity. Then there are those that actually love to run (I’m sorry, I love you, but I just don’t understand you).

My sister and dad after some crazy snowy run in DL.

This year will be especially inspiring for me. On Saturday, my beautiful younger sister will run the 10k and cross the finish line looking just as model-esque as ever.

My dad is also running on Saturday in his first half marathon. He’ll lace up his shoes, put on his favorite set of jams (which consequently, keep him from hearing us scream from the sidelines … on purpose or not, I’m not sure) and run 13 miles.

I’ve never thought to ask either of them why they run. But if I had to guess, they do it to better themselves, to stay healthy so they can torment love on their family and friends for years to come.

And whether they know it or not, my sister and my dad make me want to be better too. They’re my inspirations, both this Saturday, and always.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and … let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus … so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” – Hebrews 12: 1-3

 

To You, On Mother’s Day

Posted on by
1

Dear fellow ladies,
Mother’s Day … it’s almost here.

Are your husbands ready? Have they been thoroughly coached regarding what fabulous thing they should get, what delicious meal they should cook you or what sweet thing they should say to you to recognize the role you play in their children’s lives?

It’s a beautiful thing, Mother’s Day. A day to pause and reflect, to honor that woman in your life who raised you, who taught you so much, who made a difference. A day to celebrate the wondrous, trying thing that is motherhood.

To my friends who became moms this year, enjoy your first Mother’s Day. Snuggle your little ones, enjoy this “first” … and make sure your hubby spoils you rotten.

To my friends who are expecting their first child, enjoy your first Mother’s Day as a momma to be. I know you’re ready (and maybe a little scared) for this new life to come. I am excited to see where this adventure takes you.

To my friends (like me) who get to spend the day with the awesome role models and fabulous women that are their mothers, enjoy it. Tell your mom and/or momma in law you love her and tell her just how very much she means to you. I know I plan to.

It’s also a day, for some, that isn’t quite so beautiful, but equally as meaningful. As my friend Amy says, ‘Ladies, I see you.’

To my dear friends who have lost children this past year, my heart aches for you. I understand how painful Sunday will be and how much strength and faith it will take, just to make it through.

To my friends who suffer from infertility, I am amazed by your courage to continue. You are what the world needs more of, caring, devoted beautiful human beings who want nothing more than to make a difference.

To my fellow stepmoms, there are no words. I know how hard you work day in and day out to love and care for your significant other’s children. Sometimes it’s amazing, filled with giggles and hugs and I love yous. And sometimes it’s gut wrenchingly painful and leaves you in tears on the floor of your closet. Plus, if you’re like me, you don’t get to see your kiddos on Mother’s Day. Take this time for you and remember how beautiful and strong you are.

My hope for all of you, this Mother’s Day is that, no matter your circumstance, you feel so very loved. So whether you be a mom, a stepmom, a woman longing to be a mom, an aunt, a grandmother, a godmother, a role model, or a really important person to a really cool kid, Happy Mother’s Day. YOU MATTER.

Thankful Thursday.

Posted on by
1

It’s thankful Thursday. At least that’s what Life 97.9 told me on my way to work this morning. They even posted this gem on their Facebook page … and you all know about how I feel about choosing joy.

So, in the vein of choosing joy through gratitude, I started to ponder what I’m thankful for on this second day of May.

It made me think of a story from this past weekend, when T was here. We had a fun weekend, filled with pizza and games at Happy Joe’s, a trip to the park, a visit to the Garden Party at Rheault Farms put on by the always fabulous Fargo Park District and church and breakfast on Sunday at my mom and dad’s.

As we traveled the two blocks from church to my parent’s house, T discovered a surprise. His booster seat had a pull out cup holder. As we hit block two, he found out his booster actually had two cup holders, one on each side.

“This is the best day ever,” he squealed. “I’m the luckiest boy in the world.”

Adam and I laughed a little and assured him he was very lucky. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized what he was saying. He was thankful because of something so minuscule, something so mundane. Yet, this seemingly random event made his whole day. When, I thought, have I let something small make my day? I can assure, you I am much more likely to let something small ruin it.

So on this thankful Thursday, and every day, I’m going to work on being thankful for the small things rather than desperately searching for the big things. After all, the small things, can bloom into something beautiful too.

And if I need a reminder, I can always look at this smiley reminder of my weekend with T:

T’s plant from the Garden Party … I’m trying not to kill it. :)

One beautiful thing.

Posted on by
2

It’s been one of those weeks. The news from Boston, the chaos, the casualties … it made me hurt, ache even, for our nation, for our world.

Yet, in the midst of devastation, hope arose. Runners finished their race and kept running, all the way to the hospital to donate blood. Residents from Boston and the surrounding areas offered their homes and couches to those displaced. In a Yahoo! news article, one man said, “There’s more good people out there than bad people … way more. The scales aren’t even close.”

What a beautiful thing, in the midst of chaos.

Last week, a dear friend lost her baby far too soon. Today was the funeral. Alongside a group of girlfriends, I watched as my beautiful friend had to say goodbye to her child. It was heart breaking.

Yet, in the midst of despair, love arose. At the front of the church stood 35 pink roses, one for each of my friend’s 35 under 35 classmates. Without hesitation, each member of my 35 under 35 class was ready to help in whatever way was needed.

What a beautiful thing, in the midst of great sadness.

During the funeral, one of the verses read was John 16:33: “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Here’s the thing … love always wins. Suffering and pain, they’re part of life. But love is greater than any evil.

Love won that day on the cross at Calvary and love continues to win. In the hearts of the runner who kept on running to help those in need. In the hugs of girlfriends at a time when everything seems so bleak. In the whispered prayer because life has brought us to our knees.

LOVE WINS.

When you need to be reminded of it, look for one beautiful thing. For me, that one beautiful thing is a bouquet of 35 pink roses and the 35 courageous, caring and devoted hearts they represent.

What’s your one beautiful thing?

 

Things a Midwest Girl Should Know by Now

Posted on by
Reply

The view from my office on April 11, 2013.

I’ve lived in the Midwest all my life. Yet here I am on April 11, surprised (and slightly … okay really … irked) at a snowstorm that’s dumping up to six inches on Fargo Moorhead.

You would think as a Midwest girl from birth, that I would not be surprised at this turn of weather events. But apparently, this is one of the many things I should know by now about living here.

It helps to be prepared with the proper footwear. Today I slipped on my high heels (no socks) and headed out to the door for a meeting. After all, the ground was dry and I park in a garage. By the time I left my meeting, there was at least half an inch of snow on the ground and my sockless feet were shivering in the “spring” wind. I contemplated just dealing with it, but I heard my dad’s voice in my head about always being prepared, and stopped at home to change into a new pair of shoes and socks. Don’t worry Dad, they’re still heels so if I get stuck, I can use them as ice picks.

While choosing joy is always good, it doesn’t necessarily work with mother nature. Last week I broke out my spring trench coat and put away my feather down winter jacket. I figured, if I thought positively, spring would come around the corner and greet me with open arms. FALSE. This morning, I put my spring coat away and bundled up with my winter jacket and gloves. Way to crush my positive thinking mother nature.

Don’t listen to the groundhog. While I haven’t gone so far as to get out my sandals, in the month of March I did wear capris, went outside without a jacket and drove with my sunroof open. There was still snow on the ground but it was like a heat wave in Fargo (40 degrees) and I was going to make the most of it. Phil the groundhog must have been right, I thought. Spring is coming early. WRONG. You dashed my hopes Phil.

Even unconditional love can be tested some times. I love the Midwest. I grew up swimming in lakes, said “it’s not that cold” when it was 10 degrees, taken walks outside at 30 degrees and gone to the beach at 40 degrees. I’m pretty handy with a shovel and dream of someday getting a snow blower.

I love the Midwest. But today, on April 11 as I watch the snow fly out my window, I really don’t like it.

Winter doesn’t like to share. Part of the reason I love the Midwest is having all four seasons: the crisp white winters, the beauty of leaves in fall, the sunshine and grilling in summer, the flowers in spring. But for some reason winter seems to be really needy this year.

Here’s the deal winter. We all think you’re great around Christmas, but you need to share with your friends spring and summer. In other words, GO AWAY.

 

The Challenge Is Ending, but the Joy is Just Beginning

Posted on by
Reply

So my stepping-up challenge has come to an end. It’s been a rich experience filled with lessons, beautiful new friends and a desire to be more intentional, not just with T, but in all my relationships.

Here’s a recap, in case you missed any (lovingly borrowed from Atreverse to Dare):

Challenges
1. Pray for your kids and your spouse.

2. Promote! Kind words go far. Try to be specific in your compliments

3. Perspective – from what I can tell, we are just borrowing these kids from God.

4. Provide. Get your money talks out in the open with your hubs – team effort here. Choose to give of your time/or give gifts as appropriate.

5. Protect your marriage. Your marriage is key– nothing is more vital to a family then a strong marriage. Take care of your spouse, have fun, date each other, communicate. Love.

6. Play. Leave those dishes girl. Enjoy these kids. Make it fun.

7. Stop trying so hard to be perfect. You are lovely and wonderful. You are enough.

8. Pay it forward – Show your kids how to give and sacrifice for others. They may not see what you are giving for them but they will recognize when you give to others.

9. Pay Attention. Look for the magic.

10. Pruning – it’s gotta happen sometime. Sit with things that are uncomfortable and make sure you have flowers around to remind you that growth leads to beautiful things.

The best part of the challenge? The fact that it doesn’t stop here. Rather, we have a chance every day to be more intentional about our relationships, to start again.

As John Kenney says in his book Truth in Advertising (side note: this is one of the best books I’ve read in a long time. Read it!): “F. Scott Fitzgerald said there are no second acts in American lives … I don’t know about second acts, but I do think we get second chances, fifth chances, 18th chances. Every day, we get a fresh chance … We get a chance to do one amazing thing, one scary thing, one difficult thing, one beautiful thing. We get a chance to make a difference.”

When it comes to being a stepmom and a wife (hell, a human being for that matter), this is music to my ears. Because by God’s grace, I have the chance every day to wake up and be a better person than yesterday. I have the chance to love unconditionally, to choose joy always.

And this weekend, I get to celebrate the single greatest reason why I choose joy: the compassion of an awe inspiring, deeply loving God who chose to suffer death to free us:

“On that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave He rose again

And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.”

Now that, my friends, is worth CHOOSING JOY. Happy Easter.

 

Challenge Day 10: Pruning

Posted on by
1

Day 10: Pruning
“There’s another important part of growth that isn’t as pretty as the first sprouts or the glorified moment a flower finally blooms. There’s the pruning– the necessary cutting back of lush greens to reveal the raw and ugly insides of a stem. And yes, it seems antithetical to wait for a bloom and then chop it off once it has come, but it is purposeful, because what follows is even better.” - Kelle Hampton, Bloom, pg 162

There’s something you should know about me. It’s not that I’m not at all outdoorsy or that I hate seafood (it tastes fishy … literally). It’s that I don’t garden. I don’t have a green thumb nor do I have a wish to keep plants or flowers. In fact, the plants I own generally have a death wish.

There was one plant, though, from my mom, that I managed to keep alive. It grew and grew and grew. It mocked my sister’s plant from the same tree that didn’t grow quite as tall (okay, that was me).

Then one day, it stopped growing and started turning yellow. Not wanting to admit defeat, I called my mom (the plant doctor) who took the tree to her clinic (house). The next time I came over, I asked to see my plant. She showed me what was left, a small vase that encased an even smaller plant.

Oh great, I thought. Now my sister’s plant (okay, my sister) will mock my plant (me). I couldn’t believe this had happened again. I thought I was doing so well keeping this one green thing alive.

It turns out what happened was my plant didn’t have enough room to grow. It needed to be pruned, to start again (it also may have been over watered, but I digress).

Sometimes, we all need to cut back, to start again. Maybe we do it intentionally, to change a habit or a lifestyle. Or maybe we’re forced into it by a God who loves us enough to say, “I know this will hurt. But if I don’t, things will just get worse.”

Sometimes, the pruning is large, like with my plant. That’s what it was like last summer, when Adam and I found our life turned upside down one warm afternoon in July. But sometimes, the pruning is smaller, gradual changes. That’s what it’s like for me as a stepmom … a daily journey (sometimes struggle) to let go and to be grateful for the small things when I can’t control the big things.

But no matter what happens, big or small, intentional or forced, what follows is so much better.

“Ah, pruning. My heart got stuck on the word. Maybe all of this is just about being pruned back in ways so something else can come through. Something good. Something worth waiting for.” - Atreverse to dare

 

Challenge Day 9: Pay Attention

Posted on by
Reply

Day 9: Pay Attention
I sat for a while on this one yesterday. After all, my wonderful fellow stepmom wrote a touching and vulnerable letter to bonus moms (and other parents for that matter) about paying attention to your littles because they grow up before you know it.

My favorite part: ”Because it goes by quickly– pay attention to the way your heart gets bruised or fills with joy. Don’t sweep it under the rug and warrior on all the time. Sit with it. You have an amazing and difficult job ahead. You were put here for such a time as this. There is magic in the world. Look for it.”

I’m still learning to look for the magic, to become more aware of this amazing journey we call life and (you know the mantra by now people) to CHOOSE JOY.

Sometimes it’s hard to see in the bruises and bumps that come along the way. But it’s there, in the smile of a 5 year old, the pride he has as he gets the big job of running the electric mixer while we make cupcakes, the excitement in his eyes as he watches his first hockey game or in the quiet as he sleeps, knowing he is loved unconditionally.

Challenge Day 8: Pay It Forward

Posted on by
1

Day 8: Pay It Forward
Yesterday, I had a bad case of the Mondays. The kind that knocks you on your butt and leaves you feeling exhausted, teary and ready to be in your sweats, snuggled up at home on the couch with a bucket of ice cream.

I feel so lucky, however, that no matter when these days come, or how long they last, I am never alone. The husband who wraps you in a hug as soon as  you get home. The girlfriend who reaches out with comfort … and wine. The fellow bonus mom who, from far away,  touches your heart with words of encouragement and strength. The smiles, the hugs, the words of encouragement, they make sucky Mondays a little less sucky.

When it comes to paying it forward, remember that sometimes the little things are what matter most … the smile and the thank you at the grocery store. Inviting someone out to dinner or a drink. Writing an encouraging email. Hugging someone and asking how their day was (I would probably do this one with people you know better … strangers could get weirded out). Chatting with someone in line at the store. Smiling at a stranger.

These moments matter. And always remember, you do too.

 

 

Challenge Day 7: Not Perfect, But Real Important

Posted on by
Reply

Day 7: Today, get rid of the perfect.
Today’s challenge centers around the idea that we don’t have to be perfect. Our houses don’t always have to be spotless (gah!), our meals don’t always have to be homemade (I can’t tell you how many times in the past month I’ve said, ‘Lets just get a pizza’) and our relationships with our kids (and significant others for that matter) don’t always have to look like a scene from the Brady Bunch or Leave it to Beaver.

Instead, lets settle for being REAL.

I struggle with the word real. One of the things stepmoms often hear is that they’re not a “real mom.” No, I’m not T’s “real mom.” I don’t need to be. T has a great mom and stepdad who take care of him and help him learn and grow. We always tell him, “You are so lucky to have so many people that love you.”

But here’s the thing … I’m still real. I’m real important to a 5 year old.

So give up the perfection complex and settle strive for being real. Be a real important person to your kids … and remember that’s what matters.