Today I write about one of my passions. No, it’s not fall or pumpkin flavored things or social media or completely realistic medical dramas. Today, I write this blog as a stepmom.
Just over two years ago, on July 10, 2010, I was lucky enough to marry Adam. Our wedding was beautiful, a church filled with family and friends and a reception full of good food, drinks, laughter and love. Before we were married, we talked about all the things you were supposed to: goals, careers, kids. We also talked about something most couples don’t have to … the fact that from the start, we were a threesome, not a twosome.
You see, Adam has a wonderful, energetic, fantastic son, who I’ve written about before. He has a personality all his own and my favorite moments are spending weekends with him and Adam. It’s hard to believe he’s been in my life for only three years because it’s hard to remember life without him in it.I am a stepmom. That one tiny word carries a whole lot of meaning. According to Stepmom Magazine, “It’s one of the most difficult jobs around and it’s a role that society hasn’t defined yet. There are no clear rules for stepparents – leaving most of us to cross our fingers and hope we get it right.”
The road hasn’t always been easy. In fact, early on it was paved with all sorts of pot holes and debris that I never saw coming. Sometimes it still is. I’ll admit, a lot of times I feel lonely. I feel left out. It’s a hard job. As one stepmom says: “As jobs go, motherhood is by far the riskiest. What lies behind the greeting card sentiment is messy, hard, scary, painful, selfless work. This is the kind of work you are only willing to do when you share blood and bone with someone and can remember their every sweet baby moment. I don’t have those memories to bank from. So when I think about what there is to be thankful for, I find that I am thankful for blender moms (mothers of blended families). Moms who may not get the title, but whom God prepares and sends to perform risky, uncomfortable tasks out of line with what we thought we could do. I stand in awe of every blender mom who falls in love with her kids regardless of blood and bone and who gives from bottomless reserves of love.”
While it hasn’t always been easy, it’s worth it every single time I hear T say ‘I love you’ or ‘I miss you.’ The journey has also been made easier by the love of my beautiful fellow stepmoms who stand by my side. To Jenny, Christa and Tiffaney, I can not say thank you enough. To my mom, thank you for providing wonderful guidance from your personal experience as a stepmom. My hope is that every stepmom has a support group as AMAZING as mine.
The reason I write this blog is not to whine or complain. It’s to openly discuss what many of us don’t. That stepmoms don’t look like this:
Disney got it wrong. A stepmom is someone who fell in love with someone who happened to have kids from a previous relationship. It’s really that simple. Stepmoms aren’t evil. They are just women who love their husband and love their kids, “regardless of blood and bone.” I know I sure do.